LƆLƆ SAKƆ is our symbol in focus currently. It is a symbol of commitment. It means Love knot s It is from the ewe proverb: NƐ LƆLƆ SAKƆ LA, MƐ NYA TU NA O. If love knots, it is nor easy to undo. This symbol shows the value of the power of true love among EƲes and sometimes the accompanying proverb is used in dispute mediation between feuding married couples or even members of the communities for conflict resolution.
My friend wrote on facebook recently: Commitment means doing something you said you were going to do even after excitement and enthusiasm has fade. You keep going no matter what.
Recently I shuffled between the weddings of two friends on the same day. Two Akan friends marrying Eʋe men. There was nothing much to distinguish them. Just the dominant skin colour of both tribes,- . All was love. Akan and Eʋe combination.
During the #BlackLivesMatter protests, there were unprecedented whites who joined the movement. There were some black folks who were saying that they are selfie generation who are doing things for the camera.
I observed something and did my surface investigation; Most of the white friends, Acquittances, and strangers who were supporting the #BlackLivesMatter had husbands, wives, children, working partners, friends who were blacks.
They knew that if a black man gets gunned down, it was no more another nigga. It may be a husband, in-law child, working partner, or even boss, a best friend. If a black woman is maltreated, she is no more another black slave but a wife, in-law, working partner or even a boss, a best friend they have committed relationships with.
Love they say is love and when the knot of love is tied, it is not easy to unknot by flimsy excuses such as tribalism, racism, extended family interests et al. And this love is not just the mere beating of hearts or butterflies in stomach. It is love which is encapusulated with commmitment and trust.
Love comes in all forms apart from those charged by romantic partners. They each have their unique characteristics and their sanctity be preserved. However no matter the kind of relationship one is in, commitment to make things work is essential. Love is a two way street. Both partners need to me committed to the ideals of their marriage. Their goals and plans should not become sweet nothings that was used to get the ring. Saying yes to everything and finally saying: Yes I got the ring, all that I said was April fool.
Whatever form it comes, love is the egg in all human relationship recipes. The binding force. In days of old, kingdoms married into kingdoms to broker peace.
An example of such in modern history is the marriage of Dr Kwame Nkrumah and Fathia of Egypt for a united Africa. Their marital love throve due to trust and faithfulness. We may not have a wonderful union as African nations may be because the there is no trust and faithfulness to the ideals we preach. There is no commitment to a united Africa. Everyone is inward looking. Looking for external allies to help their individual pursuits.
Where true love exists, issues are easily sorted due to the commitment existing in the union. . Tolerance is easier to practice because the love is a two way street.
Sometimes we realise a couple have issues and immediately you an outsider decides to take sides, you become a third person. Your invitation was not to take sides but to help them to tighten the bond that keeps them together that even made them call you to help solve their issues.
For some couples, you don’t even hear of their issues. You might think they are pretenders. But for them, love comes first. They are committed to make it work through proper communication, repentance and forgiveness, family goal setting and working to achieve these goals and other ingredients that tightens their bond.
Are our marriages made of love now?: Yes or no. Were Marriages of old made of love?: Yes and No.
Love encapsulated with commitment remember.
From the look of things, it was easier leaving a loveless marriage (minus inheritance issues and taking responsibility of children. ) of old than of recent. The marriage arrangements I mean the traditional marriage made it easier. Bride price in general were tokens. So the woman was not scared of having to repay all that was spent on her and the man was not scared of “losing his investment”.
Now the “frustration” of the courts and estranged spouse (You naa, you know you don’t love the person. You have tried to work things out but it didn’t work out, or you either of you or you both didn’t try at all. There is no commitment or there are temporary ones to keep the wife or husband from going to court) may make one sit in a loveless marriage and even be killed in it.
Like I said earlier about the different relationships, wherever you are loved, seek to tighten that bond. Seek to resolve issues or even nib them in the bud.
Till then. …
May our Ancestors grant us more GA and Guan marriages.
May our Ancestors grant us more Eʋe and Akan marriages.
May our ancestors bind us more in Kokomba and Nanumba lovey doveys.
May the Abudus and Andanis meet often not to break colanuts of peace. But colanuts of marriage. For a marriage out of love brings peace into the community
May we bring our strengths from various tribes together in loving unions to build a peaceful society.
May I leave with you a dreamy image. An image that is usually true.
The image of an Eʋe woman , Da Mansah cleaning her compound with broomsticks made of palm fronds with her waist twisting slyly to Akpesse moves on a cool morning ( Due to the natural vegetation, Eweland have usually cool weather most months of the year)
Agbeko trumps out of the room with the cloth of Daavi wound tied his waist singingg loudly with his deep baritone love song coupled with a his penetrating smile and reflective eyes. The rosary he counted last night.
You may not have noticed all that, but you just came across Efo bent over an Akple pot, moving in circles, back and forth, rounding this corner and that corner. You may say: Aarrrhhh. Weak man.
Those are the rythms of love. The strokes of the broomsticks, the swaying of the hips to go with the music and cleaning of the compound, the cloth around the waist and the call and response finally culminated by a session at the fire. Those are all rythms of love.
Lo. The baby cries and father dashes. He needs no cloth, the baby at the back, the Akple riding continues. Da Mansah also does other stuff.
NƐ LƆLƆ SAKƆ LA, MƐ NYA TUNA NA O.